Inner wishes....

Up until now, I believe that I've reached my peak, my optimum levels physically, mentally and socially, and am trying so hard to be competent and sophisticated with my coeval peers and am trying my best to figure out my place in this world, and what the world has in store for my future self. Nothing left to prove? Far from it. I still have expendable potential to exhibit, and still can evolve externally and within. I still have a chance to be more and more sophisticated, and still have a chance to find that one love who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and still have that inner passion and will to just persevere, learn and excel in everything and anything both familiar and new, and still have the will the be benevolent, and to make a change or take a stand for something I believe in. I think life is meaningless without servitude, and without servitude, and without work and dedication, and hope, there will be no point of living. Life is a beautiful thing because there's always that one chance we can obtain, and that one chance to change ourselves for the better good and that one chance to make amends with our inner and outer enemies, and that one chance to experience something so extravagent and so worthwhile and breathtaking, and that once chance where we can show everyone or others our strengths and our good, and passionate sides. But there are still people around the world who don't have the chances we have, and who are dying ( quite literally) to reach that light at the end of the dark tunnel of adventure, and who just want all the torture, pain and suffering to end, and who wish to do nothing but hope, because they know that they're at rock bottom, waiting for that one sign of hope, to be free and to live their life in prosperity, like how we do.

I wish for many things as well. It may seem that we, as North Americans and as the majority of the prosperous society we inhabit, have the perfect lives. We have education, food, freedoms, rights and so on, but those things cannot always mask and subside the inner struggles and pains we have to go through every day. Maybe it's something at home, at school, or maybe it's something about how we look, were raised, and how we feel which is bothering us. Or maybe we're constantly being haunted by the past, and ponder upon how we could've and should've done or had something we currently desire, and how we wish we could go back in time to change everything for the better so that our future would be much better and prosperous. For me, I think many of you know that I'm asian, and quite ugly, and small, and geeky, and i could go on and on, about how i live in solitude with no friends, and blah blah blah, and how i have no keen sense of humour, and how i'm not so sophisticated, and how I'm crazy, and how i have no recognition both worldwide and nationally, and how i have no assets whatsoever. If i had the time to, I would've wrote up a list of things i wish i had or should've had, and things i wished i did and shouldn't have done, and things i wished i were, and things i wished i weren't, but it's too late because time, unfortunately only goes forward, and unless man invents something like a time machine, we can never change the past. But despite that fact, there's still this eagerness, and this need to improve and to change and to evolve inside of me.Right now, as of this moment, and events prior and following this note, i have, still and will always wish for and to be so many things, and completely regret or feel absolute shame upon myself and others for being a certain way, and acting and doing certain things and ways.

Life can be so wonderful, but grotesque at the same time. A life of suffering can teach us many lessons, and can truly expose the flaws, and the mistakes man has made. A life of enjoyment can make us feel useful, happy and secure, and can nurture and guide us in a positive way and leave us feeling content with ourselves overall come the day we die. Which life would i prefer to have? Both. I wish to have a much more zestful and exuberant life, and wish to be happy, strong, proud, and skillful in everything, but at the same time, i know that getting there will be a challenge, and know that there will be external and internal factors trying to set up a bulwark, with the purpose of blocking my goals and changing the path i was destined to take. Just remember that a wish will never come true without determination and suffering. Peace.